The Leeds Zone 3 Mother's Knows Best
by SarQueen4
Summary: Josh and Rachel are finally getting married! (Aww) That is of course if they can make it past the worse Leeds of them all!
1. Enter the Dragon

The Leeds Zone (Mother Knows Best)  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Enter the Dragon  
  
Rachel: Hi. I bet you were expecting Max and everything…. Well he's not here so I'll start. There really isn't any reason to tell this story. Because everything is bright, everything is perfect; everything works out when you're in …The Leeds Z….  
  
Max: Rachel what are you doing? And why did you lock me in the closet?! What's going on?  
  
Rachel: Max please I'm trying to tell these nice people there is no story to tell.  
  
Max: Oh get real Rachel. There's plenty to tell. Go away at let me do this story!  
  
Rachel: But!  
  
Max: Go!  
  
Rachel: Shoot! Bloody no good….  
  
Max: Anyways, I think I've more than established two Leeds are not better than one. But what if you added one more Leeds? What if that Leed was more trouble, more scary, more EVIL than all the other Leeds combined?  
  
Q: 2+1=?  
  
A: 2+1= Trouble! Especially when you add in that you are in…The Leeds Zone!  
  
Location: Rachel Leeds House.  
  
Mission: Plan a wedding.  
  
Operative(s): Rachel Leeds, Josh McGrath, Roberto Martinez, Kat Ryan.  
  
It started off as a pretty good day. It was a nice Friday afternoon. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, Josh and Rachel were planning there wedding, and Kat had Berto pinned to the floor with her foot. Everything was going pretty well.  
  
At the present moment Rachel was going through her mail while Josh tried to get Rachel to agree to a sky diving wedding.  
  
"Come on," Josh practically shouted, "It would be fun. We get on the plane, the minister marries us, and then we jump out of the plane while thousands of my fans watch from the cameras that'll be attached to our helmets."  
  
Rachel's face lit up.  
  
"You know what? That might not be such a bad idea," she said thoughtfully.  
  
Josh smiled.  
  
"Yeah, In fact it would be a great idea," Rachel continued, "Because then when we hit the ground at a hundred, twenty miles an hour they can take care of our Marriage license and…Our DEATH CERTIFICATE!!!"  
  
Kat and Berto burst out laughing; Josh slid down in his chair and proceeded to pout.  
  
Rachel smiled slightly.  
  
"I'm sorry Josh. I know you want to do something…extreme for our wedding, but I really want to have a traditional fairy tale wedding," Rachel explained.  
  
"Yeah it'll be fairy tale alright," added Kat, "Beauty and the Beast!"  
  
This caused a round of laughter from everybody, except Josh.  
  
"Why is everyone picking on me," Josh whined.  
  
"You! I'm the one pinned to the floor," Berto yelled.   
  
"Quiet Martinez," ordered Kat, "We're doing a scientific experiment," she explained.  
  
Berto scoffed.   
  
"What kind of scientific experiment.  
  
Kat smiled mischievously.  
  
"We're trying to come to a conclusion if nerds make better rugs than bears," she said, pushing up an imaginary pair of glasses.  
  
Berto scowled.   
  
"I'm not a nerd. I'll show you," Berto warned.  
  
To Kat's surprise Berto twisted sharply to the right. This caused her to fall off Berto onto the floor. Berto started to laugh. Kat reached for a pillow of a chair and smacked the laughing boy.  
  
"Hey," Berto shouted.  
  
"Josh," Rachel called not bothering to look up from her mail.  
  
"Yes," asked Josh not bothering to look up from the comic book he was reading.  
  
"After we're married, let's never have kids," Rachel said.  
  
Josh laughed.  
  
"Agreed."  
  
The two of them laughed.  
  
Suddenly Rachel's face went pale.  
  
"Oh my gosh," she gasp.  
  
"What? What is it," asked Josh concernedly.  
  
"Sh...She's coming," Rachel stuttered, while shaking very ferociously."  
  
"Who's coming," asked Kat.  
  
"My…my…."  
  
"Your what," yelled the group.  
  
"My mother," Rachel yelled back.  
  
"Ah," screamed Josh, jumping back.  
  
"Say it ain't so Rachel. SAY IT AIN'T SO!"  
  
Rachel dropped her head.  
  
"I'm…afraid it is."  
  
"NO," screamed Berto, "Why? Why?!"  
  
"Uh hello, Am I the only one here who isn't crazy," asked Kat.  
  
Everyone turned and looked at her.  
  
She sighed.  
  
"Rachel look, your mother is coming. You should be happy!"  
  
Rachel broke into a bitter laugh.  
  
"You don't know my mother Kat. She's crazy!"  
  
"Yeah, how do you think Rachel got the way she is," exclaimed Berto.  
  
Rachel turned and looked at Berto.  
  
Berto laughed nervously and moved back.  
  
"I uh…didn't mean for that to come out like that."  
  
Rachel got up off the couch and moved towards Berto slowly.  
  
"N…no! I did…didn't mean to say it at all," Berto stuttered.  
  
Rachel grabbed him by his feet and commenced to drag him out of the room.  
  
"No," screamed Berto in a high girly voice, "I didn't mean it! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!"  
  
Rachel drug him out of the room, his screams following him out.   
  
Josh sighed sadly and took off his hat.  
  
"He was so young," Kat said pitifully.  
  
"Yeah well we are all in for it when Rachel's mother arrives," Josh commented, as he put his hat back on, "When she shows up…Heaven help us all."  
  
Mission Status: Continuing (now with complications)  
  
Notes: Rachel's Mother is coming.   
  
Orders:  
  
1.Change address and phone number.  
  
2.Buy some less skimpy clothes. (Sweat pants and long dresses preferably.)  
  
3.Visit Berto at the hospital  
  
Max: Be afraid my friends. Be very afraid! Scarier then Jurassic Park, Godzilla, and The Ring combined. It's….The Leeds Zone!  
  
What can I say? Comedy is easier for me. Comes natural. Anyway, Read and Review! 


	2. Three of a Kind

Chapter 2  
  
Three of a kind   
  
Max: Beware of… The Leeds Zone! Beware!  
  
Location: Del Oro International Airport  
  
Mission: Pick up Rachel's Mother from the airport  
  
Operative(s): Roberto Martinez, Josh McGrath, Rachel Leeds  
  
"Where is she," asked Berto anxiously.  
  
"She'll be here," Josh said for the millionth time in that day.  
  
"I bet she won't come. I bet she took all her stuff and left town!"  
  
Josh rolled his eyes.  
  
"Look bro, Rachel had a few errands to run. She said she'd be here and she will be!"  
  
Berto scoffed.  
  
"You're just saying that because she's your fiancée," Berto murmured under his breath.  
  
"No he's just saying it because it's true," said a woman behind them.  
  
They turned and faced the woman.  
  
They both gasped.  
  
"Rachel? Is that you," asked Josh.  
  
"Of course it's me, Josh. Who do you think it is," she snapped.  
  
Josh looked at Rachel's outfit. A long sleeved, high collar, white shirt covered the top of her. An extra long brown skirt covered the rest of her, hanging only slightly above her ankles.   
  
"Rachel," Josh started slowly, "You looked like a…a…"  
  
"Librarian? Nun? Bag lady," Berto volunteered.  
  
Rachel turned and glared at Berto. He took a step back. Rachel rolled her eyes and turned back to Josh.  
  
Josh took a deep breath as he looked at his beloved.  
  
"Um Rachel…I think he's right."  
  
"Of course he's right," Rachel shrieked.  
  
A few people turned to stare at them.  
  
"My Mom is always saying my clothes are to short, or too tight," Rachel explained.  
  
"Imagine that," Berto murmured.  
  
"But she won't get to say anything this time," Rachel continued. "No, this time she's going to look at me clothes and approve."  
  
"Well it looks like you are going to get to try out your little theory," Josh said as passengers began to come off the plane.  
  
Rachel quickly plastered a smile on her face and took a deep breath.  
  
"Mother," she shouted, spotting the woman who gave her life.  
  
She quickly ran over to the woman and embraced her.  
  
"Rachel! What the bloody are you doing," snapped Maria, while pulling away from her daughter. "You are making a complete fool out of yourself!"  
  
Rachel bit her lip and slowly stepped away from the woman.  
  
Maria surveyed her daughter crossly. She looked over her from head to toe and then clicked her tongue.  
  
"Rachel really," snapped Maria. "Your shirt is too tight, your skirt is too short, and with that ridiculous hair style, you look like a bloody boy!"  
  
Rachel gritted her teeth.  
  
"Happy to see you too, mother," she said sarcastically.  
  
Josh chuckled quietly to his himself before stepping up to his son to be mother-in-law.  
  
"Mom, can I take your bags?"  
  
Maria turned and stared at Josh.  
  
"I beg your pardon," she said. "Who exactly are you?"  
  
Josh gaped at the woman.  
  
"It's me! Josh! Your future son-in-law," Josh practically yelled.  
  
"Oh yeah, that's right," she said in a crestfallen voice.  
  
Josh sighed and picked up her bags.  
  
"Come on Mom. We'd better get you to the house. You must be exhausted after such a long trip," Josh pointed out.  
  
Maria exhaled loudly.  
  
"Ah, finally! It's about time someone around her thought about my welfare," she said dramatically, while steadily focusing her eyes on her daughter.  
  
Rachel bit her lip to keep from saying anything she shouldn't.  
  
"Um, Hello Mrs. Leeds," said Roberto, feeling a little left out.  
  
"Oh. Well look who it is! Alberto," exclaimed Maria.  
  
"It's Roberto," said Roberto, who was slightly offended.  
  
"Ah, of course. That's what I meant Carlos."  
  
Berto muttered something under his breath in Spanish and headed for the car. The others followed behind.  
  
"Hey," yelled a voice behind them. "What about me?!"  
  
The group turned to see a young blond girl waving her hands wildly and screaming.  
  
"Hey," said Josh. "That looks just like…"  
  
"Lizzie," screamed Rachel happily.   
  
She ran and embraced her niece warmly.  
  
Berto and Josh turned pale.  
  
"Aunt Rachel," said Lizzie cheerfully. "What the heck happened to you?"  
  
"Shh," shushed her aunt. "I'll explain later."  
  
"Gotcha," Lizzie said nodding her head. "One 'not till grandma is asleep' conversation on hold."  
  
Rachel laughed lightly.  
  
"Well I hope you two are happy," snapped Maria coming over to the two. "You succeeded in making a fool out of yourselves as well as the rest of us."  
  
Lizzie secretly rolled her eyes and Rachel bit her lip.  
  
"Sorry," they both murmured.  
  
Meanwhile Josh and Berto looked over at the three women and sighed. Things were about to get really hectic. That they could easily tell. Three women, three Leeds, three times as much trouble!  
  
Mission Status: Complete  
  
Notes: Let's get ready to rumble!  
  
Max: What the world needs now is love, sweet love. Especially in the Leeds Zone!  
  
Chapter 2 is done! Yeah I know it kind of bites but I was stuck on it for like a week! (sigh) Oh and despite the rumors I do NOT hate Berto. He's actually one of my favorites. He is also my favorite to pick on. Lol. I just like to show how his smart mouth gets him into trouble sometimes. Anyways, Read n Review! 


	3. The Joys of Shopping

Chapter 3  
  
The joys of shopping!  
  
Max: Pink tube top. $25. Black mini skirt.$35. Spending time with the person you are scared of the most.priceless. Some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's.The Leeds Zone!  
  
Location: Roberto Martinez's Car Operation: Take Lizzie to the mall Operative(s): Roberto Martinez, Elizabeth Worthington (Lizzie)  
  
Berto sighed and looked over at the girl next to him. Lizzie smiled brightly at him. Berto quickly turned his eyes back to the road. "How the heck did I let Rachel talk me into this," Berto thought to himself. "I must be crazy to take her shopping!" As if on cue to start her trouble making, Lizzie leaned forward and switched on the radio. Music began to play. "Yes I love this song," she shrieked. The words to her favorite Nelly song began to play as Lizzie sang along. Berto gasped as he heard the words to the first verse. "She should not be listening to this," he thought. "Because.It's getting hot in here! So take off all you're.." "Click!" "Hey," Lizzie screeched. "Why did you do that?! That's the best part." "Uh, I don't think you should be listening to that kind of music," Berto said in a matter-of-fact voice. Lizzie scoffed. "That's a bunch of crap!" Berto gasped. "Lizzie!" "What?! You're as bad as my mom!" "Lizzie, I'm just looking out for your well being." Lizzie rolled her eyes. "Yeah whatever." Lizzie sighed and slid down in her seat. Berto frowned in concentration. "Hey I know," he said excitedly. "There's a Chopin marathon on today. We could listen to that!" He quickly switched on the radio. "You're listening to Chopin's 'Mazurka in C# Op. 50 No. 3.'" And that's right here on WMM, Del Oro, Classical 101!"  
  
Location: Del Oro Mall  
  
"Oh my gosh," Lizzie shrieked. "I love that store!" Lizzie grabbed Berto's arm, causing him to spill some of his soda out of his cup. She then dragged him into a nearby store. Berto squirmed at the sight of all the "girly clothes." "Look Berto, why don't you sit on one of those chair over there, and I'll go try on some stuff." Berto nodded in agreement and went and sat down. A group of girls a few feet away turned to stare at him. Berto squirmed uncomfortably and looked away. "He's so cute," he heard one of the five girls giggle. "I know," squealed another. Berto felt the blood rush to his cheeks. "He's blushing," giggled the girls. "That is so cute!" Berto sighed and slid down in his seat as the girls left the store, their giggles following after them.  
  
30 minutes later  
  
"So what do you think?" "Berto?" "Berto!" Berto jerked his head. "17 the answer is 17!" Lizzie rolled and put her hands on her hips. "Oh sorry Lizzie," he said, slowly coming back to his senses. "I must have fell asle.ah!" Several other patrons turned to stare. "Young lady, what the heck are you wearing?!" Lizzie rolled her eyes. "Duh, it's called a tube-top and mini skirt!" Berto gaped at Lizzie for a second and then swallowed. "Lizzie, you are too young to be wearing something like that," Berto squeaked out. "No I'm not," Lizzie yelled. "Yes you are," Berto yelled back. "You are only twelve!" "I'm thirteen!" "I don't care! Go take that off right now! I'm taking you home." "Arh! I hate you!" Lizzie stomped off to the dressing room. Everyone turned and looked at him. "Ha ha," laughed Berto nervously. "Teenagers!"  
  
Mission Status: complete Notes: Never take a teenage girl shopping again Never take a teenage girl anywhere AGAIN!  
  
Orders: Hope Lizzie takes this like an adult and doesn't crash his console!  
  
Max: Ah teenagers, America's future. Don't get me wrong. Unlike some people I have faith that teenagers will make America a better place then it already is as they become are nation's leaders, doctors, police officials, and of course secret agents. But faith can be a futile thing. When you're in.The Leeds Zone!!!!  
  
Oh man, I don't think I've had this much trouble writing a chapter in a long time! But here it is! :-) I'm going try to get a new chapter up for Ne Me Quitte Pas next. I'm probably be changing the name too, soon. Anyways, don't forget to Read n Review! 


	4. My Wish is Your Command

Max: Beware of those who manipulate you. You may not mind it now. But soon you'll find yourself in a place you don't want to be. Especially in…The Leeds Zone!  
Chapter 4 My Wish is Your Command  
  
Location: Rachel Leeds' House Mission: Control Daughter's Life Operative: Maria Leeds  
  
"Well hello, what's all this," asked a very suspicious Maria Leeds.  
Rachel and Josh looked up from the cups of coffee they where drinking.  
Maria put a perfectly manicured hand on her hip.  
"Uh Mom, good morning," Rachel said jumping up from her kitchen table.  
"Yes, good morning mom," added Josh. "Did you sleep well?"  
  
Maria eyed Josh sternly.  
"Yes, I did. I trust your… sleep was equally pleasant," she asked looking from Josh to Rachel and then back to Josh.  
"Mother," gasped Rachel realizing what she was implying.  
  
"What? I come down stairs at 5 am to get a drink of water, and what do I find? My daughter and future son-in-law together, in my daughter's house, at 5 am in the morning, in my daughter's house!" "Mom it's not even like that Josh and I…."  
  
"What Rachel is trying to say is I'm leaving for a mission today and I just wanted to say goodbye." Maria raised an eyebrow.  
"Oh, was it pleasant goodbye," she asked smoothly.  
Rachel glared at her mother.  
  
"Nothing happened Mom. We were just drinking coffee and talking. That is, until you came down here falsely accusing me about something that is my business, in my own home." Maria rolled her eyes.  
"Rachel don't be so sensitive. I was simply inquiring about the situation. No need for dramatics."  
  
Rachel bit her lip hard to keep from replying what she wanted to reply.  
"So," continued Maria, as she poured herself a cup of coffee. "What are you two talking about?" "The wedding," answered the couple in unison.  
"Oh, wonderful," gushed Maria. "Tell me all about your plans."  
  
"Well, I thought we could have a nice traditional wedding with all are family and friends, and…" "I wanted to make it a public wedding so all my fans could come, but no, it always has to be the way Rachel wants it," cut in Josh.  
"Well Rachel why did you say no to that. It sounds pretty reasonable to me."  
  
Rachel scoffed.  
"Mother you must be kidding. I don't want a bunch of strangers at my wedding! I want a nice fairy tale wedding with family and… "Yes, yes, Family and friends. I know! But I don't see why Josh can't have what he wants too. I mean it's not like you have to invite all those people to your reception. And even if you did, it's not like I couldn't afford it."  
  
"Uh mom, what do you mean you can afford it," Rachel asked. "Josh and I were planning to pay for it ourselves.  
Maria laughed.  
  
"Don't be silly Rachel. There's no way you could pay for such an extravagant wedding on your agent's paycheck. I'm more than willing to pay for the whole thing. You are after all my daughter." Rachel laughed nervously.  
  
"Look mom, I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but Josh and I more than capable of paying for our own wed…" "Now wait a minute Rachel," cut in Josh. "Let's think about this. We have a whole life ahead of us to pay for. If she wants to pay for the wedding… I say let's go for it! Besides my dad is paying for the honeymoon, it's only fair."  
  
Maria smiled smugly at her daughter.  
"Yes Rachel, I'm only thinking of your future." Rachel forced a smile on her face. "How about we just think about it," Rachel suggested.  
Maria squirmed but agreed that this was an "exceedingly excellent idea."  
  
She then got her cup of water and went back to bed.  
The minute she was out of hearing distance, Rachel walked over to Josh's chair and hit him, hard, against his head.  
"Ow," yelped Josh. "What was that for?"  
  
"Are you completely out of your bloody mind?! What do you think you're doing agreeing with my mother?! Can't you see what she's up to? She's trying to rule our lives. If she pays for this wedding she will hold it over our heads until the day she dies. And then if at all possible she'll come back as a ghost and HAUNT US!" Josh blinked at his fiancée.  
"You know Rachel; I think maybe you shouldn't drink Irish coffee so early in the morning," he said pulling her cup away from her spot at the table.  
Rachel laughed lightly.  
  
"Josh, Josh, Josh. If I were you I would be worrying less about my coffee intake, and more about YOUR NECK!" She lunged for Josh's neck and proceeded to choke him.  
"Je ne vous laisserai pas et la femme folle ruine ma NOCE! Je préférerais seulement vous tue maintenant," she yelled. "Si vous pensez pour une minute que je vais laisser sa course ma vie encore, vous êtes fou! FOU!" "Rachel, let...go," Josh managed to choke out.  
"Jamais!"  
  
"Rachel Leeds! What the heck are you doing?" Rachel turned to see her mother and Lizzie staring at her. She quickly let go of Josh's neck and composed herself.  
"Mother, Lizzie, I was just showing Josh a scene from a movie he wants to see. I've already seen it. Isn't that right Josh?"  
  
Josh rubbed his neck and winced.  
"Yeah, right." Maria rolled her eyes.  
"Rachel you shouldn't go to those things. They are way too violent. I mean for goodness sake's they have you choking your fiancé!"  
  
Rachel forced a smile. "You're right mom. I'm sorry." "That's ok dear," Maria said smiling. "That's why you have me here, because you just don't know what to do without your mother around. What would you do without me?" Rachel thought….  
  
Mission Status: Going quite well.  
  
Notes: Cut down Rachel's caffeine intake.  
  
Orders:  
1.Take over Rachel's plans for her wedding 2.Take over Rachel's plans for after the wedding 3.Take over Rachel's like!  
  
Max: Ce la Vie… After all it is…The Leeds Zone!  
  
Hope you like this chapter. As always I used an online translator so please forgive me for butchering the French language. I like to think that Rachel would scream in French if angry enough so I like to put that in. Anyways, Read and Review.  
  
"Je ne vous laisserai pas et la femme folle ruine ma NOCE! Je préférerais seulement vous tue maintenant," means "I won't let you and the crazy woman ruin my WEDDING! I'd rather just kill you right now!"  
  
"Si vous pensez pour une minute que je vais laisser sa course ma vie encore, vous êtes fou! FOU!" means "If you think for one minute that I'm going to let her run my life again, you're crazy! CRAZY!"  
  
Jamais! Means "Never!"  
  
Ce la Vie means That's Life 


End file.
